Whom Do You Hire
For The Bachelor Party?
Dear Nuisance Lady:
I think my
son is going out with a stripper. Im not 100 percent sure but I have my suspicions.
First of all, she looks like a stripper. I know what youre thinking. But believe me,
if it quacks like a duck, it usually is a duck particularly if its got two
enormous fake breasts on a skinny little twig of a body.
she always carries large wads of cash around, very large wads of cash. When I ask my son
what she does, he just says that she works in the tourist industry. What does
that mean? Ill tell you what it means, it means taking off your clothes and shaking
your booty for a bunch of grain salesman from South Dakota.
dont understand it. I raised my son to respect women. Growing up he was always
surrounded by smart, independent women with successful careers. Im an accountant. My
sister-in-laws a doctor. My daughters a physical therapist. I dont
understand how my son could choose to date a woman whom he couldnt possibly respect
(who doesnt even respect herself enough to keep her clothes on). It goes against
everything he was raised to believe.
planning on bringing her home for dinner and Im tempted to tell him that Id
prefer it if he didnt. My daughter says that will only alienate him and make him
more determined to continue seeing her. Maybe shes right? But I dont know how
Ill make it through dinner without speaking my mind, which would lead to a whole
scene and ruin everybodys meal.
President of MAGS (Mothers Against Stripping)
careful, just because it quacks like a duck with a boob job, fake nails and a penchant for
short fur jackets doesnt mean its stuffing ten spots down a gold
lamé G-string at The House Of Honeys five nights a week.
dont want to make the same mistake Aunt Frieda Nuisance did; just because cousin
Freddy brought home a girl named Bubbles with 44DD breasts and not much in the brains
department, she cried STRIPPER.
And, as it
turns out, all the yelling and pot roast throwing was for nothing. Bubbles whose
parents happened to be really big fans of the old Lawrence Welk show was just
another nice girl from Great Neck working her way through cosmetology school as a
receptionist at an upscale liposuction clinic. In other words, you dont
know for certain shes a stripper. She might just be a little tacky.
lets, for a minute, assume she is a stripper.
Why not look
on the bright side? Maybe your son truly cares for this girl and has chosen to look beyond
her dubious career choice and appreciate her for the wonderful, warm-hearted person she
hes like one of those kids raised in an organic apple juice and tofu pups family who
goes out and stuffs his face with pop rocks and coke every chance he gets. Or maybe
hes not all that bright himself and finds this girl to be non-threatening.
way your daughter is right. Banning the might-be stripper from your house will just
alienate your son. Hell, it might even make him run out and buy her a ring.