Family Help

Coming To Terms With Their Kids

By Sasha Austrie

On the third Sunday of every month (not including July and August) a group of people meet at the Reform Temple of Forest Hills. Here, they discuss the lives of friends, cousins, uncles, sons, daughters and the elusive rights that are afforded to them by the constitution, but are not granted.

They belong to Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, an organization that is a support system for relatives of gay, lesbian, transgender and bisexual individuals.

Anne Quashen, the president of the Queens chapter of PFLAG, said she joined the organization 12 years ago. She sought to relate to parents who were going through the same predicament – she found out that her child is gay.

Quashen said 15 years ago her son came out to her, and although she wasn’t a vocal advocate for gay rights, she said she wasn’t wary of her son’s sexual orientation.

Like most parents she had the feeling of “anxiety,” but gradually she came to understand.

She wasn’t so worried about him, but the way society would dole out its cruel blows.

“Society throws up so many road blocks,” Quashen said. “It is the last bastion of jokes. You can’t make jokes about black people because it is politically incorrect.” But gay jokes, she said, are still prevalent.

PFLAG came to exist thanks to the courage of one Queens mother 34 years ago who saw a need and chose to spearhead a movement. Jeanne Manford did what parents in her era were afraid to do – she embraced her gay son. She gave parents and families the courage to accept their gay children.

PFLAG was born out of an incident of violence that took place in 1972 to Manford’s gay son Morty. According to the PFLAG Web site, “Morty was punched, kicked and thrown down an escalator during a gay rights protest at the New York City Hilton Hotel. Manford and her husband watched the attacks on the evening news, outraged that police officers appeared to ignore the assault.”

To protest her outrage and to support her son, Manford marched in the Christopher Street Liberation Day parade that June carrying a sign that read, “Parents of gays: unite in support of our children” in large capital letters.

Manford made a statement on a subject that was taboo: My son is gay and I love him just the same.

A movement erupted and PFLAG was born. The first meeting of the newly formed organization took place in March of the following year and 20 people attended at a local church n Manhattan.

According to its mission statement, PFLAG provides opportunity for dialogue about sexual orientation, and acts to create a society that is healthy and respectful of human diversity.

By 1981, the effort to get parents to support their gay children launched PFLAG onto the national stage, with chapters sprouting up across the country.

The Queens Chapter of PFLAG was founded in July 1993 at Manford’s home, and the chapter’s first public meeting was held in September of that year

According to Phyllis Steinberg, president of PFLAG NYC, the chapter started when Manford was getting older and could no longer travel to Manhattan to attend PFLAG’s meetings.

Brendan Fay a gay rights activist, said PFLAG was is of significant importance in the communities it serves.

“When we have gatherings like this,” he said at the May PFLAG meeting, “I am always conscious of others who are here in this neighborhood, right here in this borough, in this city, in this state, and in most places around the world who only dream of being able to get together and have conversations.”