Relative Possibilities
By Juliet Werner

According to the 2000 U.S. Census, 33 percent of lesbian couple households and 22 percent gay couple households reported at least one child under the age of 18 living at home.

In a state like New York, where gay marriage is not yet legal, same-sex couples are jumping through hoops to start a family.

Adoptions Options

There are many adoption agencies nationwide that accept applications

Chris Goeken and Glenn Magpartay adopted their son Malcolm last year.

from same-sex couples. The Children's Village, Lutheran Social Services and NY Council on Adoptable Children are three City agencies that provide second-parent adoption. Second-parent adoption enables one to adopt his/her partner's biological or adopted child without terminating the first parent's rights.

"What a lot of people don't think about is that while you're waiting for second-parent adoption to go through you have to have things in place in order to protect yourself," Heidi Gonzales, spokeswoman for Adoptions from the Heart, said. "There's a lag time. When one partner wants to take child to doctor, they need power of attorney cause they're not yet the legal guardian."

In researching her new book, "Dreaming the Family," University of Iowa Women's Studies and Anthropology Professor Ellen Lewin discovered many legal costs associated with second-parent adoption.

"It's workable, but it's a legal expense that wouldn't be necessary if these couples could marry," Lewin said. "Same-sex couples have to make legal arrangements for all these things that would be automatic if they were married."

International adoptions are largely out of the question for same-sex couples and some international adoption agencies are starting to require their clients to sign a document stating they're not gay or lesbian.
"It's being enforced more and more," Gonzalez said. "Before there was more of a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy with these agencies."

Adopting domestically comes with its own set of obstacles.

"Today most domestic adoptions are done open and in open adoptions it is the birth mother who chooses the family," Gonzalez explained. "And so the hurdle with gay and lesbian families is getting birth parents to choose their families over a heterosexual couple. It happens. We've placed a lot of children, but it is definitely a bigger hurdle than a heterosexual couple would have."

Parents In The Wings

The Human Rights Campaign is a national organization that fights for the rights of lesbian, gay and transgendered people. Last December, HRC launched the "All Children - All Families" campaign in order to promote equal opportunity for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender foster and adoptive parents.

According to data from the Williams Institute, GLBT families are already raising about 65,500 adopted children and 14,000 foster children.

"We must break down the barriers that stand in the way of children being placed with qualified GLBT parents who want to open their hearts and homes to these children," Human Rights Campaign Family Project Director Ellen Kahn said.

As part of the initiative, HRC produced a guidebook for adoption and foster care agencies called, "Promising Practices."

"With this guidebook, adoption organizations nationwide can educate themselves and reach out to the nearly two million gay, lesbian and bisexual people who are interested in adoption," Kahn said.

Dozens of adoption agencies have signed the "All Children - All Families" Pledge of Commitment, including Family Focus Adoption Services in Little Neck.

For more information on the campaign, visit www.hrc.org/acaf.

Beyond Adoption

According to the Williams Institute, there were an estimated 270,313 children in the United States living in same-sex couple households in 2005. This statistic was made possible, in part, by surrogacy.

"Surrogacy is the Cadillac, no, the Rolls-Royce in terms of cost," Lewin said.

Artificial insemination is another increasingly popular option. According to Lewin, more and more lesbian couples are choosing to use one person's egg and another person's body as the surrogate.

Professor Ellen Lewin

"It's a very interesting phenomenon in that they both see themselves biologically linked to the child," Lewin said.

In the future, lesbian couples may be able to procreate through same-sex reproduction methods. In 2008, several research groups announced they had made inroads into formulating a so-called "female sperm."

Will Kids Change Everything?

Although gays will not change the culture surrounding parenting, it is possible that parenting could change the culture traditionally associated with the gay community.

"[Having children] changes their relationship to the wider communities in a lot of ways," Lewin said, adding, "The stereotypes we have - going out a lot, late night activities, cultural activities - a lot of these things fall by the wayside when you're a parent."

The American Psychological Association's Policy Statement on "Sexual Orientation, Parents, & Children," released in 2004, argues that when it comes to raising children, gay and lesbian parents are no different than their straight counterparts.

"There are a lot of scholars who denounce it who think that it's just assimilation," Lewin said. "They see these people as sellouts. But they're assuming that there's a completely separate gay culture. I don't think there's a separate gay culture."