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A Baby Named Chad,
A Brother Named Jeb &
A Guy Named George

By MICHAEL SCHENKLER

"Those who cast the votes decide nothing.

Those who count the votes decide everything." — Joseph Stalin

It’s all almost over. President George "Dubya" Bush. Hmmm!

I could have lived with whatever decision was handed down by the United States Supreme Court. As regular readers are aware, I have my preference. But, I buy the sanctity of the institution of the Sup’s and believe the Justices offered their honest interpretation even though I wish I could call "two out of three."

nfp-1214.gif (27141 bytes)
One of the many graphic emails going around poking fun at the Florida Election. Choose the sticker of your liking.

Sadly, the Supreme Court Justices reflect the right-leaning Presidents who appointed the majority of them. (By way of explanation, "right-leaning" defines their identity on the political spectrum and in no way reflects "correctness.") And more sadly, we’re likely, in the next four years, of George "Dubya" to get a couple of more "right-leaners." It is here where the true legacy of Presidents can be felt. A more conservative court will have social and political impact for years beyond the president’s term. I worry about our personal freedoms when the likes of Jim Baker are back into power. I’m not convinced Jim’s "leader," George "Dubya" Bush, is either a leader or capable of making sound judgments on a level sophisticated enough to encompass all the variables and historic ramifications. I believe Bush, our next President, relies too heavily on his advisors — and those of his father.

But, with that tirade over, when the Court speaks, I buy into it. And as of this writing, I’m fairly certain that it is all over for the Gore guys. So we gotta get used to "Dubya."

I buy it, if it comes from the Supreme Court!

I won’t, can’t and you shouldn’t if it was the act of the Florida legislature. It would be outrageous for the legislature to attempt to assert its will while the judicial process runs its course. The partisanship demonstrated in Tallahassee is the stuff that gives American politicians the name, politicians.

Dan Conley, a former speech-writer for Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley (another great example of American politicians) and Virginia Gov. Doug Wilder spun an interesting scenario on the salon.com website.

His is a theoretical reaction to what would have happened had the Florida legislature, without court sanction, selected electors of their choice. Conley suggests other states could follow suit — and give the election to Al Gore.

According to Article II, Section 1 of the U.S. Constitution, State legislatures do have a constitutional right to choose electors for President. However, had the Florida legislature proceeded, ignoring the existing legal challenges, according to the salon.com article, "it would remove the only obstacle — tradition — that prevents Democrats from taking similar action."

PREDICTION TIME!

Great ideas are stolen from creative people. Thanx to my friend Dan Rattiner, Editor & Publisher of Dan’s Papers in the Hamptons for this one:

Attention: Tribune readers, friends, elected officials – make your predictions!

What will 2001 bring? I thought I’d ask you. Send me your predictions for the coming year and I will share as many as possible in our pre-New Year’s edition.

As Dan said, "Nothing you say is confidential and everything will be held against you."

Please email to me at:
MSchenkler@QueensTribune.com or fax to: 718-357-0972 or by mail: 174-15 Horace Harding Expwy,
Fresh Meadows, NY 11365.

Now, this might be a bit far fetched, but so would the Florida legislature’s premature action: The article identifies five states won by Bush but controlled by Dem governors and legislatures who would be within their "legal" rights to select Gore electors. Even
if these states chose to not give all their electors to Gore but merely divide the electors proportionally by Congressional District won in the state as does Maine and Nebraska, Gore would gain 17 electoral votes: "five in Georgia; four each in Missouri and North Carolina; and two in Alabama and Mississippi."

Republicans have only two such states (Republican governor and legislature) in which to retaliate — Michigan and New Jersey. However, the numbers aren’t there for the GOP. Could the Bush campaign mount a meaningful challenge to such
action while defending legislative action in Florida?

Ah, you say, "What about Congress?" They determine which electors ultimately get seated. However, the new Senate is composed of 50 Republicans and 50 Democrats — a tie is broken by the presiding officer, Vice President Al Gore. One would expect the Republican House of Representatives to try to seat Bush electors while the Gore tie breaking Senate would logically go for Gore.

If you’ve been tuned into this craziness since Election Day, you know when Congress can’t resolve which elector slate to seat, the state’s governor ultimately makes the determination.

No, we’re not thinking of Jeb Bush in Florida, although should it go to Congress, Jeb ultimately might end up designating the slate of electors for his brother.

Conley’s article then hammered it all home. "But if Democrats choose to retaliate in the legislatures, similar choices may be up to Democratic governors Bob Holden (Missouri), Don Siegelman (Alabama), Roy Barnes (Georgia), Ronnie Musgrove (Mississippi) and Mike Easley (North Carolina)."

Should the Florida legislature interfere with the process before all legal challenges are exhausted, Conley suggests it would render "every future presidential election outcome with a margin of less than 1 percent fair game for legislative meddling and partisan, state-by-state retaliation."

No, it’s not going to happen. This is merely one well-conceived, rather bizarre scenario that is an outgrowth of the loss of civility of our political process. Each year, each election, each political conflict seems to become more and more mean spirited and divisive. Politics is no longer a philosophical process where ideologies battle and balance for the common good. It has become a war where people do battle for power and the spoils.

No wonder we are all skeptical.

Congratulations, Mr. Bush. We look forward to a rich American language for the next four years.

We wish you well.

My Ballot – My Vote

This year’s election has had an interesting effect on our readers. To respond and react, the folks of Queens have taken to verse. Here’s PRESS reader Ed Miller’s take on the Florida craziness:

My Ballot - My Vote

I did my duty,

And went to vote,
Cast my ballot                    
As if by rote.

I used the stylus,
Must have been dull,
Didn’t punch through,
My vote was null.

I thought I voted,
It was a lie,
Punched the wrong hole
On the butterfly.

I marked my ballot,
Changed my mind,
Couldn’t correct it,
Poorly designed.

If my candidate won,
It must have counted
But I’ll never know
My choice was mounted.

What trust can I have
That Democracy works,
If the election process
Is so full of quirks.

— Ed Miller, Jamaica

Local front

Spoke this past week to Morty Povman and Jeff Gottlieb. They were reacting to my gentle mini-tirade on the use of public funds to further political candidacies.

Both Morty and Jeff agreed with the points I made in last week’s column and have assured me that Gottlieb’s candidacy for the City Council will be kept away from Povman’s Council office.

Jeff, as we stated last week, is running to succeed Povman in the Council in the 2001. In this race are Borough Hall’s Barry Grodenchik, Weprin Club President Jim Gennaro, and David Reich from the staff of a Brooklyn state senator.

Last night, civic activist Morshed Alam informed us that he too was in this race. At least for the moment, that makes five real candidates.

We’re not sure all five Dems will stay in, but what we are witnessing is a rejuvenated interest in public service brought about by term limits.

Even though we have had our doubts about term limits, attracting new blood to the political process is a positive thing.

Stay tuned.

---------------------------------------------

Michael Schenkler can be reached at: MSchenkler@QueensTribune.com

 

 

A Baby Named Chad

By MOHAN S. JETHWANI

I know, I know all of us are sick of the word chad. 

No one cares to hear one more peep about the nation’s 30-day-long suspense.  Just try whispering one of the following words —- Bush, Gore, Chads, Tallahassee, Leon County, Florida, 25 Electoral Votes, Brother Jeb, Baker, Christopher, Boies, Richard, Saul, Clark and Lewis, Seven Sages, Nine Supremes.  Every one will desert you.  You will be sulking alone over your own cognac-spiked mango lassi in an otherwise swarming soiree?

Besides an illuminating civic lesson on election law, statutes, constitution, processes and procedures, and somewhat sleazy pre-election strategies of both political parties to enroll likely supporters and disenfranchise potential opponents, the seemingly unending legal shenanigans divulged a surprising scientific discovery: a piece of paper could give birth! 

Yes, with current cloning techniques and scientific advances, nothing seems to be beyond the realm of possibilities.  Our Sunshine State has surged far ahead of the other 49 in this respect.  It just revealed its hitherto top-secret invention: DNA-engineered ballot cards.  This is how it works: Specially trained biology experts splice together spirals of DNA to create a card. It has holes at strategic spots, looking like common variety circles to a naked eye.  But if you gently penetrate that hole with a cylinder-like object, the center of the hole begins to bulge due to the repeated thrusts of the cylindrical object. The impregnated paper with its bulging hole reflects a successful pregnancy.

As the bulging expands progressively, eventually resembling more like Demi Moore’s stomach on the Variety’s front cover, the unbearable pressure causes edges of the hole to break away from its womb.  When the umbilical chord is severed completely, the offspring springs out.  Its name?  Chad!   The recording machinery in Florida registers it as a successful pregnancy that has culminated in a birth, or a legally cast vote in Florida parlance. 

This process of birthing is so new that Proctor & Gamble hasn’t had the time to establish a system of rewarding proud parents with baby powder, wipes, soap bars and other inexpensive goodies.

What happens when Chad refuses to leave its womb and clings on with one- or two- or three-corners still loosely or securely attached?  It’s called an unsuccessful pregnancy.  The Florida counters, still on the learning curve of the new invention, are incapable of counting them as legal births. The confusion of those relatively inexperienced counters caused the conundrum in Tallahassee.

Gore wanted to count these aborted pregnancies on the grounds that even the slight bulging of the hole was indicative of a pregnancy, proving that a birth was intended.  Bush, on the other hand, would have none of it.  A pregnancy is not a birth, he countered.  Does our Census Bureau count unwanted, unplanned, unborn or dead ones, he asked? Count only the successful births, he insisted.  An intention of parenthood doesn’t always generate babies, he argued.  No Chad, no vote was his slogan.  In the end, the Texan prevailed.

Sorry, Mr. Gore.  Try for more live babies (Chads) next time.   Good luck.

------------------------------------------

Mohan S. Jethwani is a Trib reader

_____________________________

Michael Schenkler can be reached at: MSchenkler@QueensTribune.com

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