Facing Life & Alcohol:
AFTER THE PARTY'S OVER

By TAMARA HARTMAN

Sixteen of the bravest people you will ever meet sat down in the basement of a church in Queens last week to admit to each other that they were all imperfect. They had hurt themselves and people they loved. They had lost control, and they were willing to search for a way back to a healthy life.

One friendly, fatherly looking sort of man stood up and told his name. He said he was a John Wayne fan . . . and they all always drank in those movies. He told the room of familiar faces and beginners about the weakest moments of his brother’s life and of his life. He talked about "re-hab" and how at the time he wasn’t one of "those" people, though he was living through it. He wandered in his story sometimes, lost his place, and then picked up again.

A well dressed, energetic young woman stood in front of the group to say "partying" took over her life. Cocaine and alcohol set the schedule for her day and she covered it up with lies . . . succeeding in work but falling apart in life. She "needed a meeting" on that night, which means that she was starting to feel she had all the answers and that she didn’t need to speak out or follow the twelve steps.

Finally, a gentleman in his late 50’s stood up and explained that he went to his first Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting because he hoped it would impress a judge to be lenient on him and his numerous DWI arrests. Those cute little sayings and "steps" and "traditions" were sappy garbage and it wasn’t for him . . . until one day it was, and it saved his life. The man made the 16 laugh out loud as he talked, and they understood. Then they applauded.

And when the three were done the group gathered together . . . still anonymous by last name but knowing some of the most intimate details and failings of each others’ lives . . . and they asked for help.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference," they said.

While the borough rings in a new millennium with champagne toasts and caviar resolutions, it will harder than usual not to stand out if you refuse a bit of the bubbly. Never are the social aspects of alcohol so strongly in play as when we deck the halls for the holidays and join celebrations with family and friends. But for the alcoholic, who is always recovering and can never take even one drink without starting on a deadly path, the holidays are a time for standing out from the crowd and the social traditions, whether they like it out there or not.

Alcoholism is the third greatest killer of Americans . . . right after heart disease and cancer. It is a health problem that attacks the young and old, lawyers, businessmen, housewives, police officers, teachers, journalists, and even social workers and doctors who often end up feeling they should be able to "heal themsevles." There is no telling for certain where or who it will strike, and once it does, it eats at all the relationships in an alcoholic’s life . . . work, sister or brother, husband or wife, lover, child and grandchild.

Every week in Queens alone, AA groups meet at over 250 different locations spread throughout the borough . . . most places holding two meetings a week. That’s not including "Al-Anon" meetings for the family and friends of alcoholics and "ACOA" meetings for the Adult Children Of Alcoholics.

AA meetings are classified as "beginners" for newcomers to the program, "closed" for alcoholics only, "open" for alcoholics and their family and friends, or "big book" where the principles of AA are reviewed and explored.

And their 12-steps — a term now part of our popular culture — include principles that could be basic in any life, like believing in something greater than ourselves (step 2) and taking time to take a personal inventory (step 10).

Any visitor to an open meeting, Al-Anon meeting or ACOA meeting can gather pamphlet after pamphlet of information. They are designed to hit on all the basic questions and be as comforting as possible to someone touched by alcohol — feeling alone in the universe and yet hearing their own feelings expressed by people who have this socially unpleasant problem.

One "A Brief Guide To Alcoholics Anonymous" explains "A.A. was started in 1935 by a New York stockbroker and an Ohio surgeon, who had both been ‘hopeless’ drunks. At first, most A.A. members also had been seriously ill; their drinking had sent them to hospitals, sanitariums, or jails. But more and more people began to hear about A.A. and soon many alcoholics found they did not have to let their illness do that much damage. They could recover in A.A. before their helath had been totally wrecked, while they still had their jobs and their families."

A.A. is now established in about 146 countries.

The A.A. "Guide" says that not all alcoholics have the same symptoms, but some of the signs that many show are:

•They find that only alcohol can make them feel self-confident and at ease with other people;

•They often want ‘just one more’ at the end of the party;

•They look forward to drinking occasions and think about them a lot;

•They get drunk when they had not planned to;

•They try to control their drinking by changing types of liquor, going on the wagon, or taking pledges;

•They sneak drinks;

•They lie about their drinking;

•They hide bottles;

• They drink at work or in school;

• They drink alone;

•They have blackouts where they cannot remember the next day what they said or did the night before;

• They drink in the morning to relieve severe hangovers, guilty feelings and fears;

•They fail to eat and become malnourished;

•They get cirrhosis of the liver;

•They shake violently, hallucinate or have convulsions when withdrawn from liquor.

At your first A.A., Al-Anon, or ACOA meeting, someone will most likely come up to you and tell you their name — first names only. In A.A., annonymity is sacred and essential to honest discussion and healing.

They will ask you your name, and they will probably shake your hand.

They may also ask if this is your first meeting, but that may be obvious, and they may ask if you have a sponsor. A "sponsor" is someone who has been in the program a long time and who gives you their number to call whenever you need to talk. They may also ask if you have a "home meeting," which is a meeting that you attend regularly and is usually close to home but doesn’t have to be.

The remainder of any first meeting is about listening respectfully. Most beginners later say that they didn’t buy what they were hearing at their first meeting. One ACOA beginner said they just wanted to run and talk to friends who didn’t have an alcoholic in their life so they could be re-assured that they were normal. Reactions vary to hearing other people talk about challenges, fears and problems that they feel are personally and uniquely their own.

Queens residents in need of somewhere to turn to can also find help at the City’s municipal hospitals, which provide specialized patient care services. In Queens, there is an alcohol clinic at Queens Hospital Center (82-68 164th St., Jamaica) where social workers help through individual and group therapy sessions, and the medical staff is also available to assist with the critical days of detox. Appointments can be made with the clinic by calling 883-2750.

For those whose dependence on alcohol is amplified by the tortures of mental illness, some facilities offer Mentally Ill Chemical Addiction (MICA) treatment services.

"Chemically dependent people who are also struggling with problems like depression, often get sent to detox and rehab without anyone addressing their mental illness," explained Judy Conklin, a drug and alcohol counselor at the Long Island Consultation Center in Rego Park. "When we administer MICA treatment we can address two problems at once."

Conklin, who has 12 years of experience counseling people who are fighting dependency, said that many programs also offer after-care services to help people get back on their feet. Some recovering alcoholics enter halfway houses where they can stay in a safe environment for three to six months while looking for employment and attending nightly meetings.

"We hope people would stay through the first year of sobriety," said Conklin of the after-care programs. "That first year presents the greatest chance for a relapse, especially the first 90 days."

All alcohol treatment centers require a state license issued by the New York State Office of Alcoholism and Substance Abuse. For information on the center or on programs available in your area, call the state office at 1-800-522-5353.

At a second floor office in Forest Hills, hundreds and perhaps thousands of recovering alcoholics will help each other not to take that first drink this New Year’s. This is the Queens Intergroup of Alcoholics Anonymous where from Christmas Eve through New Year’s day the coffee pot will stay on and alcoholics from around Queens and many out of town visitors will take part in the Holiday Share-Thons.

For those seeking recovery, Intergroup is often the first contact. Their 24-hour phone volunteers handle countless calls from people seeking hospitals, de-tox programs and rehabilitation centers. Their Share-A-Thons will run 24 hours a day from 10 p.m. Dec. 24 through Jan. 1 at 10 p.m. at 106-03 Metropolitan Ave. But their phone lines are open 365 days a year and can lead you to a meeting any given night in any part of Queens. For their information and support, call 520-5021.